2013 Summer Death Race By the Numbers

Wood chopped: less than usual
Wood chopped: less than usual

Participants registered: 390
Participants that started the race: 206
Finishers: 41
Finishers that received all 8 chips as of 6am Monday morning (“first wave finishers”): 21
Female finishers: 4

Total time to finish: 69 hours (9am Friday to 6am Monday)
Number of barb wire scratches on my arms: 14
Number of barb wire scratches on my face: 2
Rock team number: 8
Number of chips I received: 8
Tears shed out of frustration: ZERO
Times cried out of joy: 1
Miles swam: 2
Legal advice given out re: avoiding a speeding ticket: 1
Coconut waters consumed: 3 (I’m smart here, people)

Not this kid again
Not this kid again

Hours spent with Sedlak: too many
Buckets of gravel carried: 11
PB&J sandwiches eaten: 4
Number of times I responded to questions with a Robin Thicke song lyric: 14
Pairs of Speedcross used: 3
Near accidents with slabs of granite: 4
Cartwheels performed: 100
Times I got 100% Deet in my mouth: at least a dozen
Inches across of underarm chafe: 3
Red Bulls consumed: 4 (gross)
5hr energy consumed: 3 (even worse)
Push presses performed with lead railings: 50-55
Times I beat the dealer: 1
Johnny Waite hugs: 2
Number of points in the Bones Dice Game: up to 10,000
Bottles of eyewash used: 2
Saplings felled: 8
Webbing straps that broke: 5

Rocks carried over Bloodroot: 1
Rocks carried over Bloodroot: 1

Ax covers lost: 1
General Store sandwiches consumed: 3
Estimated number of pounds those granite rocks weighed: 300-500
Number of burpees given to me by Joe’s kid: 5,000
Number of those I did: 20
Strange rashes that have developed since: 3
Percentage of time spent smiling: 85
Dollars offered as a bribe for a winning card on the barb wire crawl: 10
Minutes it took to regain motor control after the reservoir swim: 35
Times I told Joe I was quitting: 1
Tasks left when I told him that: 1
Hours spent on Bloodroot: 10
Mosquito bites counted: 37
Number of those in my scalp: 14
Naps took in the bikram studio hammock post-race: 1

Naps taken postrace and before I started drafting a motion: 1
Naps taken postrace and before I started drafting a motion: 1

Times uttered “I’m never coming back”: ad infinitum
Death Race finishes: 3